Decent gay
“You’re one of the ‘good gays.’”
I’ve heard this more times than I can count. Each time, my chest tightens, my stomach churns, and my inner animal comes online, resulting in two conflicting instincts: part of me wants to fight, while the other part just wants to disappear. The kicker? I’m supposed to get it as a compliment. I’m expected to smirk graciously, laugh it off, and maybe even express gratitude them.
But behind those words lies something much darker. It’s not just a careless comment—it’s one of the many weapons in the patriarchy’s arsenal; it’s violent and wrapped in a bow of microaggression. It’s a reminder that my acceptance and belonging hinges on my ability to make others comfortable.
If I dare to urge back—if I say, “That’s not okay”—the defenses reach fast and furious: You’re overreacting. I didn’t express it like that. It’s just a joke. Microaggressive gaslighting at its finest. And the worst part? It’s not strangers or acquaintances saying this. It’s the people I reliance most, the ones who think they’re down and believe they’re in on the joke.
Let me be clear: when someone says, “You’re one of the good gays,” it’s not a compliment.
It’s straight-up homophobia.
What
Volunteer With Us!
Gay For Excellent mobilizes lesbian, gay, multi-attracted , transgender, queer (LGBTQ+) and ally volunteers to promote diversity, foster inclusion and strengthen ties to the broader community. Now in 21+ Cities!
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To Achieve Our Mission We:
Identify and combine with nonprofits that help the environment, animal welfare, and people in desire in each city chapter (including organizations not traditionally associated with the Queer community)
Support select organizations through volunteer service (time), and help to amplify their missions through our huge network of LGBTQ+ volunteers.
Coordinate social events for Lgbtq+ For Good&#;s LGBTQ+ volunteers, and our allies, to develop friendships and network
Foster and promote a liveliness of positive, enthusiastic camaraderie both within the Queer community and towards our neighbors and nonprofit spouse organizations
Do something valuable for our community, city and country
Above all, make a positive difference and own fun!
Get Involved. Meet Modern Friends. Make A Difference.
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What Gay and Bi Men Really Want
Are physical and sexual attraction the most appealing qualities in a partner? Or are unseen qualities like good manners and reliability the most attractive?
Following on from his research into what linear women want and what straight men want, D&M Research’s managing director Derek Jones has taken the next logical step with his latest study into what gay and bi(sexual) men want.
In order to dig deeper and outline out a true list of turn-ons and turn-offs for gay and bi men, Derek once again used of the Im-Ex Polygraph method. He originally devised this method of analysis to distinguish what people say they want from brands, products or services from what they really want by comparing stated versus derived measures of importance.
Qualities the lgbtq+ and bi men said they desired in a partner (‘stated’) were compared to the qualities introduce in example celebrities they nominated as attractive (‘implied’). The same comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs.
What gay and bi men say they want
Just favor straight women and unbent men, &#;we enjoy existence
On this episode of Vibe Check, Sam, Saeed, and Zach continue their conversation on the college campus Anti-War protests, and they also talk about why Zendaya is such a successful star. Plus, a few recommendations to save your vibe right.
Boston Dwell Show
New York Live Show
Los Angeles Live Show
RECOMMENDATIONS:
SAM: Born A Crime by Trevor Noah
SAEED: Untitled by E. E. Cummings
ZACH: Culprits on Hulu
You can find everything Vibe Check related at our official website,
We want to hear from you! Email us at vibecheck@, and keep in touch with us on Instagram @vibecheck_pod.
Get your Vibe Check merch at.
Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to tune in to new episodes of Vibe Check ad-free.
Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting
.
Volunteer With Us!
Gay For Excellent mobilizes lesbian, gay, multi-attracted , transgender, queer (LGBTQ+) and ally volunteers to promote diversity, foster inclusion and strengthen ties to the broader community. Now in 21+ Cities!
JOIN
VOLUNTEER
DONATE
To Achieve Our Mission We:
Identify and combine with nonprofits that help the environment, animal welfare, and people in desire in each city chapter (including organizations not traditionally associated with the Queer community)
Support select organizations through volunteer service (time), and help to amplify their missions through our huge network of LGBTQ+ volunteers.
Coordinate social events for Lgbtq+ For Good&#;s LGBTQ+ volunteers, and our allies, to develop friendships and network
Foster and promote a liveliness of positive, enthusiastic camaraderie both within the Queer community and towards our neighbors and nonprofit spouse organizations
Do something valuable for our community, city and country
Above all, make a positive difference and own fun!
Get Involved. Meet Modern Friends. Make A Difference.
Get Involved.
Meet New Friends.
Make A Difference. Are physical and sexual attraction the most appealing qualities in a partner? Or are unseen qualities like good manners and reliability the most attractive? Following on from his research into what linear women want and what straight men want, D&M Research’s managing director Derek Jones has taken the next logical step with his latest study into what gay and bi(sexual) men want. In order to dig deeper and outline out a true list of turn-ons and turn-offs for gay and bi men, Derek once again used of the Im-Ex Polygraph method. He originally devised this method of analysis to distinguish what people say they want from brands, products or services from what they really want by comparing stated versus derived measures of importance. Qualities the lgbtq+ and bi men said they desired in a partner (‘stated’) were compared to the qualities introduce in example celebrities they nominated as attractive (‘implied’). The same comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs. Just favor straight women and unbent men, &#;we enjoy existence On this episode of Vibe Check, Sam, Saeed, and Zach continue their conversation on the college campus Anti-War protests, and they also talk about why Zendaya is such a successful star. Plus, a few recommendations to save your vibe right. Boston Dwell Show New York Live Show Los Angeles Live Show RECOMMENDATIONS: SAM: Born A Crime by Trevor Noah SAEED: Untitled by E. E. Cummings ZACH: Culprits on Hulu You can find everything Vibe Check related at our official website, We want to hear from you! Email us at vibecheck@, and keep in touch with us on Instagram @vibecheck_pod. Get your Vibe Check merch at. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to tune in to new episodes of Vibe Check ad-free. .
What Gay and Bi Men Really Want
What gay and bi men say they want
Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting